Play as Mindfulness Practice with Chief Play Officer TJ Matton
Want to incorporate more play into your world? You’re in the right place! Play isn’t just for kids. It’s a biological necessity that can transform your mental well-being and even help manage mental health symptoms like hypervigilance and anxiety.
And we’re lucky to have play expert TJ Matton back for this second episode in our two-part series on play. If you haven’t already, listen to last week’s episode for fundamentals about the science of play; and here we get practically applied. How can you increase play in your life? Listen (or read on) for answers.
Episode Highlights:
- Foundations of Play: Play is essential for learning and development, helping us build new neural pathways.
- Play as a Mindfulness Practice: Integrating play into daily life to enhance mindfulness and personal growth.
- Managing Hypervigilance: Practical exercises to use play as a tool for managing hypervigilance.
- Mindfulness and Emotional Reactivity: Shifting from emotional reactivity to curiosity through play.
- Types of Play: Exploring different play patterns and how to integrate them into everyday activities.
Common Questions:
- How can play help with mindfulness?
- What are some practical ways to integrate play into daily life?
- How can play be used to manage hypervigilance?
Notable Quotes:
- “Play is how we learn new ways of thinking, being, and operating. It’s necessary for growth and evolution.”
- “Focusing on our enjoyment is never wasted; it’s an embodiment practice.”
- “Hypervigilance can be a play buddy. Opt into it in safe environments to transform it from a suffering experience to an impulse for growth.”
Guest Information:
TJ Matton: Founder and Chief Play Officer of the Playful Revolution. You can find more information about TJ and her work at theplayfulrevolution.com and on Instagram at @theplayfulrevolution.
Next Episode Teaser: Join us next week for a conversation with another incredible expert about stuckness and mental health. Don’t miss it!
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Stay Connected: Thank you for joining and listening. I can’t wait to hear what resonated with you in this episode. Subscribe to our newsletter at findrc.co/newsletter to stay updated. You can find me, Sara Lobkovich, pretty much everywhere online. Feel free to contact me at sara@thinkydoers.com. If you have other Thinkydoers in your work world, please pass this episode along. We appreciate your referrals, mentions, shares, and reviews.
Find full show notes and transcript at http://saralobkovich.com/thinkydoers-pod.
Mentioned in this episode:
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Transcript
Welcome to the Thinkydoers podcast.
Sara:Thinkydoers are those of us drawn to deep work where thinking is working.
Sara:But we don't stop there.
Sara:We're compelled to move the work from insight to idea, through the messy
Sara:middle, to find courage and confidence to put our thoughts into action.
Sara:I'm Sara Lobkovich, and I'm a Thinkydoer.
Sara:I'm here to help others find more satisfaction, less frustration, less
Sara:friction, and more flow in our work.
Sara:My mission is to help changemakers like you transform our workplaces and world.
Sara:So, let's get started.
Sara:All right, so this is part two of my conversation with TJ, who is an
Sara:expert in a long list of things, but what we're talking about...
TJ:Jack of all trades and master of none.
Sara:No, I don't think that's true at all.
Sara:Listen to our first episode, and then we can talk about mastery.
TJ:My background is as a social worker, and I think that's part of what drives
TJ:me to this work is that my work is all started in social justice, and humanistic
TJ:philosophy, and feministic psychology.
TJ:So, I am a social worker, and I work as a trauma therapist and a coach.
Sara:In our first conversation, we talked about kind of foundations of
Sara:play, why my listeners shouldn't turn this episode off when they hear the word
Sara:"play." And next, we're going to say "mindfulness." Again, don't turn it off.
TJ:Don't turn it off.
TJ:We're reclaiming it.
Sara:True!
Sara:So, we talked about modes of play, and then what we're going to do
Sara:today is talk about how to put this into practice—specifically,
Sara:play as a mindfulness practice.
Sara:Which mindfulness can be challenging for some of us, especially
Sara:folks listening to this podcast.
Sara:So, let's get nitty-gritty.
Sara:Where can we start with reintegrating play into our lives?
TJ:So, the first thing that I think is important to pull forward from the first
TJ:conversation is that play is how we learn new ways of thinking, being, operating.
TJ:It is how we build new neural pathways.
TJ:It is what is necessary in order for us to grow, expand, or evolve as a person.
TJ:We can't help but grow, expand, and evolve as a person, and so
TJ:play is this way of participating in our growth process, right?
TJ:And play starts with choice, and so when we talk about combining play
TJ:and mindfulness, it starts with the question: What do you want to play for?
TJ:What matters to you?
TJ:And again, play starts from this embodied sense of choice—what do you
TJ:care about and what matters to you?
TJ:And one of the things that I think is important is that like
TJ:play is not hierarchical, right?
TJ:So, I had a play challenge for myself like two years ago where I just really
TJ:wanted more laughter in my life.
TJ:So I went on a hunt for laughers in my life.
TJ:And I called them "slutty laughers." it was the year of slutty laughers.
TJ:I wanted to make friends because I didn't grow up in a house with a ton of laughter.
TJ:I'm a trauma therapist; so I don't spend a ton of time laughing.
TJ:I have like my own personal trauma stories and histories, like
TJ:of being in that kind of body.
TJ:So, laughter was just not something that came super naturally to
TJ:me, and I want more laughter.
TJ:I was just on the hunt for like frivolous laughers who kept that part of themselves.
TJ:And so that was a mindfulness practice for me is —whose laughs do I love?
TJ:What does it look like for people laugh at?
TJ:What do people even laugh about?
TJ:I did not conceptually understand it.
TJ:So, it became a practice for me, and it was a time of really
TJ:embodying more frivolous play.
TJ:For somebody who like is a little bit of a deeper, more meaningful
TJ:player, it wasn't meaningless.
TJ:time I laughed, was this practice of, "You can do it, TJ. Laughter belongs
TJ:in your body." You can do this.
TJ:And oh my god, the way that laughter comes so much more easily to me now.
TJ:Laughing at myself, laughing at everybody I love, laughing at even
TJ:the people who hurt me —like when I'm just like, "Oh my god, that was so
TJ:ridiculous what they just said. Can you believe it?" And I'm not hyper-focused.
TJ:I'm not spiraling about it.
TJ:I'm just laughing it and moving on.
TJ:But that was so based on just spending time studying frivolousness,
TJ:that felt unfamiliar to me.
TJ:So, really building a mindfulness play practice—and again, I define play
TJ:as being engaged with something with your enjoyment as the central focus.
TJ:And so when we focus on enjoyment, our enjoyment is never wasted.
TJ:That focusing on our enjoyment is an embodiment practice.
TJ:How can I stay as embodied and co-creating, moment to moment, a
TJ:sensation and an experience that works for me, that works with other people.
TJ:Where I'm not shifting into people-pleasing, I'm not shifting into
TJ:power, controlling the dynamic, right?
TJ:How do I stay in that co-creative process with my enjoyment?
TJ:So, play really starts with: What do you care about?
TJ:What matters to you?
TJ:What kind of evolution do you want to opt into?
TJ:And this is where play becomes a mindfulness practice.
TJ:It's like, focusing on your enjoyment.
TJ:And then how do you enjoy yourself in the co-creative growth process?
TJ:What neural pathways do you want to create?
TJ:And some people are just really gifted at frivolous play, and this
TJ:is really important because frivolous play doesn't helps us turn that
TJ:hypervigilance down in our body.
TJ:It helps us stop defending ourselves.
TJ:Like, I was happy.
TJ:"Why did you do it?" Cause I liked it.
TJ:Why else?
TJ:Do I need another reason?
TJ:Frivolous play and studying frivolous play is like super important in
TJ:helping turn hypervigilance down.
TJ:And similarly, serious play helps build a lot of intentionality, a lot of focus,
TJ:a lot of meaningfulness in our life.
TJ:And I find that adults, when you're relearning play or when you're practicing
TJ:play as a mindfulness practice, like having that intentionality around
TJ:it—whether that intention is frivolous or serious— helps set the container.
TJ:It's builds that quest feel, like, "Where are we going with this?"
TJ:Particularly because for many people, we live in a play-deprived culture.
TJ:So, learning and relearning play—you talked last time
TJ:about that sub-threshold right?
TJ:It's vulnerable and it's a little bit scary.
TJ:And so the only way that we're going to be able to stay in that edge
TJ:of vulnerability is knowing that this vulnerability matters to us.
TJ:That it's part of our bigger game, like that this move matters to the bigger game.
TJ:This is part of what I love about like the combination of like the way
TJ:neurodivergents need to be practicing play as a mindfulness assist.
TJ:We love side quests, right?
TJ:So, each little practice is like a side quest that is for
TJ:a more infinite sense of game.
Sara:Again, you're blowing my mind as I'm not to make this about me, but 15
Sara:or so years into therapy, and I've never had a satisfactory anything to try around
Sara:hypervigilance in terms of what I struggle with, and it's just a phenomenon that I,
Sara:yet, and I'm a good therapy participant...
TJ:We're working hard.. You're doing good.
TJ:You got A+.
Sara:Yeah.
Sara:But probably B+.
TJ:But no one needs an A+ in therapy.
Sara:Nobody needs an A+, but that phenomenon, from a patient
Sara:standpoint, there's not a lot of therapy has to offer there.
Sara:So, the idea that play is a practice that can help with
Sara:hypervigilance is just revolutionary.
TJ:So one of the play practice around hypervigilance is
TJ:spending time opting into it.
TJ:Go to a park, or somewhere you feel safe, like a coffee shop, somewhere
TJ:that feels familiar, and either write down or study every single detail
TJ:for the purpose of your enjoyment.
TJ:Like, what is every single thing that intrigues me?
TJ:Every single one.
TJ:Every single one.
TJ:And because you're going to start to feel like this is what it
TJ:means to opt into hypervigilance.
TJ:when feels good to be in that intellectual intensity.
TJ:Because again, if you're a top-down intellectual learner, sometimes we
TJ:hold on to symptoms like hypervigilance because we don't know what to do
TJ:with the excitement and the aliveness that gets buried within that symptom.
TJ:That is actually play being like, "I want to study the shit out of life, right?"
TJ:That's part of what hypervigilance is.
TJ:It's like, I want to know every single fucking thing that's in me and around me.
TJ:And so go do it, but opt into it, right?
TJ:Opt into it.
TJ:That's a way to begin to play with this symptom as like a play buddy, right?
TJ:Like how can I be a play buddy to this symptom?
TJ:Where the body starts to detangle being on the other end of it as a
TJ:suffering experience and instead embraces that as as an impulse.
TJ:What if the hypervigilance was a play buddy?
TJ:And this is why it's important to do this in a place that feels safe enough.
TJ:And this that part that feels safe enough, where the body has that intellectual and
TJ:embodiment consent, like, "Yeah, I go to this coffee shop regularly." Or, "I go
TJ:to this library regularly." Or, "I go, I sit in the carpool line regularly."
TJ:Like, where is there enough of that safe enough for you to then step into
TJ:the hypervigilance as own play buddy?
Sara:Yeah, it's choosing it.
Sara:Again, this makes me think of my own mindfulness practice.
Sara:By my young adulthood, I would describe myself as very emotionally reactive.
Sara:And part of living to coexist with that, or shifting it because it just didn't
Sara:feel good, was learning that curiosity is an awesome play buddy for me.
Sara:So I can either be anxious or reactive, or I can get curious.
Sara:And that's the play buddy that I want to spend more time with.
Sara:And so I'm hearing the same thing here, it's like this is another next step of
Sara:that shift to say, "Alright, be mindful.
Sara:What am I feeling?
Sara:Is it something I want to feel?
Sara:Is it something I don't want to feel?" And if listeners can do that, high fives!
Sara:Like, that's huge progress.
TJ:The reality is we might not care about figuring out our
TJ:hypervigilance in like the carpool line or in the coffee shop, right?
TJ:Where we often care about our hypervigilance is in family dinners,
TJ:or, new social settings, back-to-school, like we're in the fall right now, so
TJ:back-to-school nights where we like want to be building community, right?
TJ:And so, when we learn to opt into hypervigilance, when we start to feel
TJ:activated again in that parasympathetic way, we can be like, "Oh, do I need
TJ:to have that on? Is this a place that is truly feeling unsafe for me?" And
TJ:if I so, let's get out of here, right?
TJ:Ain't my place to play." And if not, if this is safe enough for
TJ:me to play, what's the play here?
TJ:Maybe you start studying who has similar clothes on, who's got the same pattern
TJ:of shirts, who looks like they would be probably related in a secret DNA test?
TJ:Or you start making up stories about people: who looks like they
TJ:could fix my plumbing in my house?
TJ:And you start to turn that story maker on, because again, this
TJ:is a big part of hypervigilance.
TJ:It's a story framework, right?
TJ:And over time, this allows us to interact and begin to look for safe social
TJ:experiences that our hypervigilance is like looking to do but doesn't
TJ:actually know how to do that because it's trained to look for danger.
TJ:And so our system has two paths: to look for social connection and
TJ:safety, or to look for danger.
TJ:And so play is this practice of, are we safe enough to play?
TJ:And then, what are we playing for?
TJ:And so hypervigilance might be a play of like, "How do I play with
TJ:more belonging?" "How do I play for comfort?" "How do I play for ease?"
TJ:And so again, this is part of, I think embracing play as a mindfulness practice.
TJ:It's literally just saying, "What am I playing for?" And I think
TJ:this matters because as we begin to study play, it's vulnerable.
TJ:It's shaky.
TJ:We want to retract and retreat to patterns we know.
TJ:And so the "What do we care about?" "What are you playing for?" Holds us in this
TJ:place that's like, "You can do this.
TJ:I believe in you to take this path.
TJ:You can play for a better future, a better experience." Because
TJ:again, play has that fight.
TJ:What are we fighting for?
TJ:Right?
TJ:And that's part, that's what we mean by mindfulness: What are you playing for?
TJ:That is the anchor.
TJ:Because again, play is a choice, and that's what it means for, to embrace
TJ:play as a mindfulness practice, that it doesn't force you to be calm.
TJ:It asks you to be alive, to co-create within the moment.
Sara:That is so powerful for those of us who've been told that mindfulness is
Sara:sitting down and being quiet, being still.
Sara:But it also so firmly centers the question of "What are you playing for?
Sara:do you care about?" And that's, again, in my coaching, a question people are
Sara:not always spending the time to ask.
Sara:That right there, that question of "What might you want to play for?" could be a
Sara:revolutionary question for some people.
Sara:So when we think about that kind of getting started and what's
Sara:the first step that someone could take, where would you steer them?
TJ:Yeah, so one of the first things I work with people to
TJ:initially begin to explore, is we all have play patterns, right?
TJ:And so I often think about helping people, like, "What do you imagine your
TJ:play patterns might be?" And again, sometimes it helps people to think back
to childhood:What did I like to do?
to childhood:And again, remembering that play is not an action, but an experience, right?
to childhood:I really like to play Legos.
to childhood:Was it that you liked to accomplish the finishing of the Lego?
to childhood:Was it that you liked to put pieces together?
to childhood:And begin to pull on those strings, but find them in your everyday life, right?
to childhood:And again, some of us being top-down players, some of us
to childhood:being more bottom-up players, where we create within the moment.
to childhood:And some of us love more instructional learning.
to childhood:Some of us being more intellectual players, some of us being
to childhood:more storytellers, and some of us being more body players.
to childhood:And so I think about: Are you a close, like, a top-down, more closed-loop player?
to childhood:Are you a bottom-up, more open-loop player?
to childhood:And then, are you an intellectual player?
to childhood:You might benefit from a life as a lifelong learner, right?
to childhood:And intellectually invigorous, right?
to childhood:Are you somebody who loves, the heart-centered, connected play?
to childhood:Or are you somebody who, really needs to kinetically engage in something?
to childhood:And then just start practicing that, right?
to childhood:Kinetically engage in your brushing of your teeth, right?
to childhood:Find—again, we think about play as novelty and repetition—so I
to childhood:often start people with something that they do every single day.
to childhood:But do it differently.
to childhood:How many steps does it take you to get to the mailbox?
to childhood:That could be an intellectual play, or that could be a body play, right?
to childhood:What do my feet feel like when they hit the ground, right?
to childhood:How many of my bones can I count when they hit the ground, right?
to childhood:And so even I think it's really helpful for people to take something
to childhood:that they know they're going to do every day and do it differently and
to childhood:see, "Do I want to engage in this thing from a thinky way, from a feely
to childhood:way, or from a body way, right?" And is there a goal that I have in mind?
to childhood:"I'm going to practice brushing my teeth for two minutes as
to childhood:weirdly as I can," right?
to childhood:Or, "Am I more of that non-linear explorer play? Where I'm going to see if my hips
to childhood:can brush my teeth, right?" Because again, play is about unleashing the enjoyment.
to childhood:The seeking and the co-creating of the experience of enjoyment.
to childhood:And understanding it's going to feel weird.
to childhood:It's going to feel weird, it's going to feel vulnerable, especially for
to childhood:people who have had their play shamed.
to childhood:So we begin exploring in this way.
to childhood:And over time, some people, I think, it's very clear for them, what
to childhood:their mindfulness play is—what are they playing for—while others may
to childhood:need to explore play first, to be like, "I want more of that," right?
to childhood:Again, people who are more top-down learners seem to know more
to childhood:easily what they're playing for.
to childhood:Bottom-up players will start playing and then all of a sudden be like, "I think I
to childhood:want to play for this." But they may not know that from the start, and that's okay.
to childhood:The goal is just start exploring and see what it is your body longs for more.
Sara:The three options that you shared—I'm all about what's our default
Sara:mode and what are our non-default modes, what's our default behavior
Sara:and our non-default behavior.
Sara:I just think those, even making people aware of those three options
Sara:of thinking, or top-down, and feeling, or body, and bottoms-up—that right
Sara:there gives us things to play with that we might not even thought of.
Sara:TJ, I just—I'm goose bumpy at how cool your work is.
Sara:I am so grateful that you were able to take the time.
Sara:Is there anything you would like to share or anything I didn't
Sara:ask you that you'd like to share before I let you go for the day?
TJ:Whew!
TJ:The pressure is on.
TJ:My work is called the Playful Revolution, because I believe that re-embracing
TJ:play is a revolutionary experience within our own bodies and has the
TJ:capacity to revolutionize our culture.
TJ:I do believe that play is this path to re-embodying our bodies and creating a
TJ:more equitable society and culture—one where we can co-create together in a
TJ:more meaningful and successful way.
TJ:And so, I do really deeply believe in play, both because people's
TJ:joy matters and the co-creating and meaningful experience matters.
TJ:And, I love to play.
TJ:So if anybody out here has questions, there's free intro calls on my
TJ:website, I love to answer questions.
TJ:I love to clarify my work for people.
TJ:I love to help people enter the work.
TJ:So don't feel hesitant if you're listening to this to just reach
TJ:out and be like, "I don't get it." Because you're not alone, right?
TJ:Play is something that is so deprived, and We don't have a
TJ:lot of language around this.
TJ:So if you don't get it, just come back, just keep coming back because
TJ:you will get it eventually, and let me help you get it in your being.
Sara:Amazing.
Sara:So that's T. J. Matton, founder and chief play officer of the Playful Revolution.
Sara:T. J., I'll put your contact information in the show notes so people can find you.
Sara:I just can't thank you.
Sara:This has been so much fun.
TJ:Please write me back in a little bit and tell me what shifts for you, right?
TJ:Tell me what shifts for you after this conversation.
TJ:I love when like it starts to click for people and then people get to
TJ:start thinking and experiencing their being differently.
TJ:I'm going to stalk you down in a month or so and be like, "What's happened?"
Sara:I think one thing that comes through, is I kept thinking of the words,
Sara:"Don't yuck someone else's yum." Your take on play style reminds us that no one's
Sara:play style is bad unless it's hurting someone—and that's to be managed—but we
Sara:can also look at how we all play and just know we're all different, and that's okay.
TJ:And that there's a bridge between all of us.
TJ:We may not be able to connect easily with everyone, but there are people
TJ:that can be bridges between the world.
TJ:All right, friends.
TJ:I want to give a huge thank you to TJ for doing these episodes with me.
TJ:This was so much fun and I learned a ton.
TJ:I hope you did as well.
TJ:So TJ, thank you.
TJ:We can't wait to see you back here on Thinkydoers.
TJ:You can find more information about TJ and her work at theplayfulrevolution.com.
TJ:And TJ is @theplayfulrevolution on Instagram, And we'll put all
TJ:those links in the show notes.
TJ:And we're going to have a conversation next week with another incredible expert
TJ:about stuckness and mental health.
TJ:So be sure to come back next week for a continuation of our
TJ:focus on mental well being.
TJ:And then, speaking of fun and healthy play buddies.
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TJ:Thank you for joining and listening.
TJ:I really can't wait to hear from you about what in this episode resonated,
TJ:so I would love to hear your feedback.
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TJ:you can find me at Sara Lobkovich pretty much everywhere.
TJ:I'm pretty sure I'm the only one.
TJ:You're always invited to contact me by email.
TJ:The easiest one to spell is sara, S A R A at Thinkydoers.com.
TJ:If you have other Thinkydoers in your work world, please pass this episode along.
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TJ:Thank you for tuning in today.
TJ:And I look forward to hearing the questions this prompts for you.